I decided how its going to work from now on.
I’m not going to do any more falling in love.
Love is going to happen of its own accord.
It will find me through good friendship, not affection.
I’ll know because she will be the one who takes the risk.
No more risks.
This is like one of those new years resolutions… give it a month.
People pay the government taxes
Taxes are used to pay companies/contractors to collect litter from the kerb and public bins
Therefore… people’s responsibility for their litter is handed to the government.
If there is litter in the street it is simply not our problem, right?
What if: people could claim small amounts of tax back for taking litter to the dump… or by putting it in public bins.
So, this doesnt work if the gain is too high that EVERYONE drives to the dump, but if the incentive is enough- say just to give pennies back per kilo of litter, then people will take responsibility for litter more seriously.
Imagine streets with no litter on, fuelled by the teenage desire to buy lots of stuff - to get money ‘for free’ they either pick up other peoples litter for profit, or take their litter to a designated ‘exchange’.
This exchange could even be a sort of auto-bin, where you load it with rubbish and it spits out some coins based on the weight or constitution of the rubbish…
Not sure how this might work as poeple might end up loading it with liquids or soil…
Hmm..
- If one doesn’t push oneself, one never gets better at anything
- Pushing oneself requires risk
- Risk requires confidence, testosterone, non-analysis, or ‘fuck-it’
- Fear is the mind killer.
- Bass is surely the masseuse of the brain
- Twinkles, therefore, must be the acupuncturists.
- Physical pain hurts less than mental pain.
This is really what the previous post was supposed to turn into…
So, currently producers want to make new stuff so they stay in business (cos, if their products are too good or too long-lasting, they will eventually go bust when demand is met).
The problem here is that people dont want old stuff so producers get away with churning out new stuff.
The other problem here is that producers dont get anything if something they made is second-handed.
If stuff that was sold on as second hand could somehow reclaim some money from the gov’t and feed it back to the producer company, then their incentive to make new stuff would diminish, their incentive to make their product re-sellable, and long lasting would increase…
This would also help suppress consumerism - stuff would go cyclic so people could feel like they are getting new stuff but really its just recycled, and the companies stay happy.
This would only work for a set period with tech stuff, and fashion, but these things can be modularised.
Modularising tech could be useful so companies CAN bring out upgrades but are inclined to do so in a modular way (becuase now, they are gettign revenue when the old stuff gets re-sold, so they dont really want to sell the entire unit (unless they are very greedy, which is likely, so this probably fails…))
Again, a not-fully-thought-through post but needed to write it down to reflect on later….
Thoughts/ideas about how the second-revenue system could work are welcome.
I was chatting with Chris the other day about where our society goes wrong - mostly with regard to closed mindedness coming through poor education techniques, and the problem with homogenising practices of education, and apply them in a blanket fashion to all children.
We discussed how it could work if those that wish to be educated ARE educated and those who wish to be creative are allowed to do so…
Basically, the premise is that kids don’t really get enough choice or flexibility and our society demands very similar things from very different people. This probably doesn’t make a lot of sense without an example:
Chris is an engineer, he likes making things, tangible things. He is creative. He plays & listens to music. He likes coursework projects.
I don’t really know what I am at the moment, but lets say I’m a computer scientist, I write software but not very well; a less creative process and less tangible. I’m reflective. I listen to music. I like exams.
The distinction here is that Chris is better at doing tangible things and I am better at doing theoretical things (NB: thats not to say I enjoy it…)
Society demands that everyone eventually get a job; which is fine if you can find your niche and fit in- no doubt Chris will end up making things and will enjoy his job, because he’s bright; which is great. However, this doesn’t always work - some people who are creative in the same way may not get the opportunity to follow their career path because of exams - some people totally suck at exams - because its not the same as making something tangible. This is noted, and worked around, to some degree by getting students to do coursework.
Sadly this isn’t enough, because the weightings are often mis-matched.
We thought a character-trait test could be conducted early in academic career, whereupon a student is allowed to choose a more creative path or a more theoretical path - make stuff or read stuff… There are bound to be psych. tests that can determine this sort of thing, and with the consent of parents and a change in the education system (perhaps a more dyadic one), kids can:
- Play to their strengths
- Feel more empowered by their choices
This may even have secondary benefits - if kids are happy and are encouraged to do the things they enjoy then they might not go round spitting at things and breaking cars.
Ok so this is a bit blazé.
Anyway.
The original point i was going to make in this was that if society could be reconfigured it might not go down the pan… not sure how and these are more random fireworks of thought than a concrete argument for change….
- A dyadic society where some members are allowed to be wholly creative and receive a sort of support fund until they get to a point where they can support themselves (because art takes time, and you gotta live while you create your art)
Wow i went off tangent in this one…
Children’s thoughts go something like this:
ME ME ME I WANT THIS NOW GIVE ME THAT SUGAR YUM YUM MORE I WANT SOME OF THAT NO I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED NO I DONT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED I WANT THAT ME ME ME.
According to Dylan Moran, anyway. He’s probably not far off.
Fortunately children are also like sponges that can not only absorb large quantities of whatever ’substances’ you throw at them, but have the ability to grow the substances, and cross-contaminate the sponges of their peers. This is how marketing works. Make one over-sugared up kid want something and eventually the parents will cave to shut them up, cos its easier than looking bad in front of other parents (nobody wants a screaming kid anchored to them). This sugared up child will likely go and show off their exciting new thing, whatever it may be, to a host of other equally sugared up kids. They too then want it cos its ‘cool’, shiny or possibly just contains more sugar.
Explosive purchasing follows.
Good news for the producers and banks (and, I concede, the economy), bad news for the parents and the environment.
Why? Because it will be in landfill within a year.
Marketing folk (or ‘evil geniuses’ as I shall now refer to them) use these sponges so very effectively. However, kids tend to care about something else as much as themselves - fluffy animals. They also are pretty adverse to (although also morbidly attracted to) gruesome imagery (this being the reason why films have those certificates that people ignore). This is fantastic news if you want to make them do that isn’t about them.
So, a (somewhat twisted) proposal:
- Take a marketing campaign (such as … I dunno, Nike trainers…)
- Find out what it is that destroys the credibility of cool (the DoCoC) for this product (there will always be something)
- Find out how to make a short video (kids like things that move and flash and make annoying noises, thats why they are constantly glued to TVs) about the DoCoC, and make it suitably terrifying (pictures of child slave labour in the case of Nike, for example)
- Deliver this content to the children via a mobile phone (all kids have mobile phones these days, cos they want to be old… idiots)
- Wait for them to become horrified by it, and share it with their buddies (because of the morbid curiosity thing, everyone will want to see it as soon as one goes ‘URGH! GROSS’)
- Watch kids grow up respecting their peers in other nations or whatever fluffy animal was killed previously.
Not sure how effective that would be, but it strikes me that it is vitally important to raise awareness of just how bad some companies are… there is always the undertone that is carried by some companies, which gets ignored because it is not made visible enough. It seems kids, being one of the biggest market forces on the planet, are a good target because it will instill some sense of social/environmental conscience before they become corrupted by consumerism, and then grow up and instill those morals into their own progeny.
It is too late to affect people past the age of about 16 I’d imagine as they have already fallen prey to peer pressure, consumerism, wealth, and the X-Factor (or Pop Idol, or whatever get-rich-quick shit happens to be on the TV when they are growing up).
Planting seeds of caring when they are a bit younger should prove fruitful later in life when they become independent even if they suffer a period of hibernation during adolescence…
…just a thought.
OOH! We could do this with digital stories………… uh…. somehow…. right?
Its funny how thoughts change…
Overwhelming desire and feelings of love, closeness and affection.
Frustration.
Hope.
Confusion.
Realisation.
Numbness.
Despair.
Anger.
Despair.
Numbness.
Questioning.
then… the sense that it was all just a dream… a feeling that it was only in my head, for there are few external signs that anything more than what now is, was. One lovespoon, photos, a billion memories and some chat logs… the odd hints from friends in the know…
Wavering resilience.
What remains throughout is the feeling of love…. somehow thats not fair.
Cycling around Swansea down to the sea front to a car park
Find my old Metro which I’d left there before
Get in and start the engine, wanting to take it out for a drive - but I’m not insured over here
So I repark it facing the sea, but realise that something is wrong with it
Get out and see front left wheel is flat, and has caused the front of the car to dip and break off some insulating foam tubing…
Spend time trying to park neatly between the lines, but there’s the remnants of an old car park layout, which is confusing.
Another car pulls up across part of my space taking no regard of the lines.
They all get out but don’t take notice of how badly they’ve parked, I seem to know at least one of them.
Someone mentions the annual boat race - with all the random boats made of weird things.
The rest of the festival is active in the distance: there are large rocks that look like cliffs floating above the festival, marking its location.
Toward the lighthouse, the hill is churning out black smoke - apparently another part of the festival.
I want to go to the festival so I get back on my bike… I cant work out why but there’s some reason I can’t make it in time - things are happening too quickly?
Weird.
Apparently there is an EU Directive for Extended Producer Responsibility/Liability (http://www.ilsr.org/recycling/epr/index.html), and this means that the manufacturers are somehow responsible for the products at the end of their useful lifetime.
This is good news, because it applies mostly to Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment (WEEE) but surely it applies to food packaging too? A crisp packet reaches the end of it’s useful life as soon as it is empty - is the manufacturer still responsible for it then?
What does ‘responsible’ mean anyway?
- Is it that they should provide means to dispose/recycle it?
- Is it that they should offset the cost of waste collection/landfill?
- Something else…?
How about this for some act of law/regulations (applies mostly to WEEE, but could be used to a limited extent in other markets)
1) Force manufacturers to specify the end-of-life (EOL) value of components in their product (so, in my Apple MacBook Pro, the actual cost of the hardware (and software), if intact and fully working should follow market values at time of disposal.)
2) If the item is non-functional at the end of its life, take the raw material cost of hardware/components as EOL value.
3) Enforce a scheme of refundable returns; allow the consumer to (voluntarily) return the product to the manufacturer, and force manufacturer to return a proportion of the EOL value to the consumer.
4) Force reuse/recycle policies on returned products (where applicable)
This will act in a number of ways;
i) the consumer has an incentive to return the product to the manufacter at the end of its life.
ii) the manufacturer will make more careful decisions when designing products as they will have to deal with the ‘aftermath’
iii) the consumer will be aware of the material costs of their purchases, and will then make rational decisions on their expenditure (i.e. realise they are getting ripped off most of the time.)
….
Problems;
a) qualifying ‘broken’ value - most components of a broken product are probably reusable/recyclable, but what value do they have? How does one qualify this?
….
Thoughts…?
I want to start a company that produces soft drinks.
Yep.
Why?
Because I’d like to perpetuate the sugar and e-number overload in kids’ diets.
No, not really.
I want to hit the second of the 3 (or 4, if you take Harold’s view on things (see chapter 1 of his book, Press On)) R’s - RE-USE.
I reckon people are becoming environmentally minded enough, and there are enough people willing to save a bit of money for this to work:
1) Get factory, ingredients, workers, health and safety certificates, sterilisation plant
2) Make delicious (and healthy-ish) soft drinks
3) Pack drinks in glass bottles.
4) Put a deposit on bottles.
5) Make a deal with some local shops (say, Niche, for example, or Tesco if you’re feeling a little evil) to supply your beverages.
6) Make another deal with said shops to store returned bottles and either issue deposit return or use a voucher to get money off the next one.
7) Take bottles back to factory and sterilise them.
Repeat, ad nauseum….
Why is this not happening already?
Cai - this one’s for you and your milkman buddy - let’s make it happen!
Following a little from my previous 2 ’serious’ posts…
I made a claim to Amy (and others) that we have stopped evolving, simply because we can cure most diseases, provide food and shelter en masse, and support more and more people as science finds a way to solve the problems that natures presents us with - removing the onus of nature to rid the a population of the weak - removing the cause of natural selection and thus halting evolution.
I’ve just read an article (http://dieoff.org/page95.htm) published in Science that was written by a chap called Garrett Hardin, in 1968 - this is apparently a highly controversial article, from a highly controversial man. Anyway, the main thesis of the article is tackling the problems of over-population, and related problems therein.
Following from what I said previously about how those who don’t care will continue to outgrow those who do, this article agrees with my thoughts and adds some new ones.
Basically, we will evolve ‘further’…
1) People who give a toss realise that they have to do something.
2) This fact implies they have a conscience, and perhaps some intelligence (though I expect the intelligence isn’t necessary as indoctrination is sufficient to make people do things that are irrational, so it follows that indoctrination can make people do things that are rational.)
3) People with a conscience of such affairs will realise that a long-term problem is that of over population - the classic petri dish experiment one might have performed at college (take a petri dish of agar, introduce bacteria, watch it grow and eventually consume all resources, spill out effluent into the rest of the population and ultimately starve the entire population of all resources until extinct).
4) The conscientious may find the solution to this problem is to have less children, and therefore act on that.
5) The non-conscientious may not even consider the consequences, and so have as many children as they can (because, you know, the supermarket is only a 10 minute car journey away, and besides, all those benefits mean they have to do less work to survive).
6) A shift in population arrives, forcing the conscientious out of the gene pool by natural selection.
Perhaps not as succinct an analysis as possible, but I hope (in the context of the article at least) it provides a thinking point…
I’ve been criticised from previous posts (and IRL, too) for categorising people too easily - this is perhaps true, and perhaps my ‘categories’ are mis-understood. I should qualify that my idea of a ‘chav’ or more importantly a ‘chav family’ is one that leans on the rest of the population, doesn’t care about anything other than themselves, is perhaps somewhat less intelligent than average… but, it seems, is at an evolutionary advantage (that is, until there are too many such families, removing the supporting population, and leaving them resourceless - as with our petri dish).
I think it was Agent Smith in the Matrix who said “Human beings are a disease, and we own the cure”. Sadly, he was right in the former part of the statement, only there is no cure - I believe we are ultimately doomed to regress.
PS- Read the article (or at least the “Tradgedy of the Commons” and “Conscience is self-eliminating” parts), because this post will otherwise not make sense or (perhaps worse, maybe better) sound sensationalist.
Just had quite a long (somewhat circular) debate with Amy about what is important, and because (I think) we both have different opinions on what is important it didn’t really go anywhere other than me getting more pissed off at myself for not doing enough about what I care about.
The argument was somehow related to the fact that I care about saving animals and plants over saving people - and I guess I should qualify that; I mean, I don’t want anyone to die, but somehow, I’m conflicted in that I know its people and people alone that cause the death and destruction of the environment and hence .. somehow I care less about them.
Right.
So the battle in my head goes something like this:
People stuff the environment up.
People kill animals.
People destroy everything.
People can’t even be content with each other let alone other species.
There are too many people on the planet.
I don’t want anyone to die.
So what can happen?
People could stop breeding?!
Or we could stop curing diseases (but then people die, and I don’t really want that - if it were me I wouldn’t want it so I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone else, right?)
People dont get on with each other so i suppose wars will eventually sort that out. Or nuclear melt downs. Both are more and more inevitable (the nukes cos of reactors, the wars because people are becoming more stupid, see below).
Draw a line under that one for now, because thats just part of the battle.
———— < theres a line.
Ok, so now what about the big companies that both kill people (indirectly, or through negligence (for example by filling us with chemicals, cos it makes a profit)) and destroy the environment/animals/plants.
How can we stop supporting them?
We stop buying from them!
But… if ‘nice’ companies like Body Shop get bought out by ‘evil’ people like Loreal, then … that will keep happening because everyone has their price, so eventually we won’t be able to buy anything (if following morals, you don’t buy from ‘evil’ people i mean)…
This isn’t a bad thing really cos if we all lived at a subsistence level then we’d all get by and stuff.
We’d probably be bored though, so no one will bother.
That and a thousand other things prevent this happening realistically.
another line
—————-
If _I_ care, yet I don’t wholly commit myself to my cause, then why will anyone else bother?
—————-
If we don’t care about stuff, and live for our time, then we stuff it all up for our kids; if you are a people person this should affect you - if not then the thought of the destruction of entire species for the benefit of your short life should appall you, and if neither of those things affect you then perhaps you aren’t worth having on this planet.
So we SHOULD be doing something to positively effect our future world, or at least to stop it getting worse.
But we all allow ourselves our little misgivings… i use a computer too much, i drive a car for a laugh sometimes, i buy from tesco…
The only thing that can completely satisfy maintaining the status quo is to exist without consuming… and unless everyone does that, things will only get worse.
There will never be enough education or … just care… in the world to make everyone see that we are fucking everything up, before its too late, especially as more and more people are either being born into a world of destructive growth (starting to consume more resources, lacking education about how this affects everything) or being born into families that do know or are aware but simply don’t give a flying fuck. Sadly these numbers are increased exponentially - it might sound classist or up-my-self but I believe idiocy breeds idiocy… so, yes, if i’m brutally frank i dont believe what I might call a ‘chav’ family (i use that term loosely, so please dont be offended if you consider yourself a chav - if you are rreading this far you have removed yourself from my definition) - they dont give a shit, they buy the cheapest shit from the worst vendors, then they reproduce too much because it gives them benefits to live on (ok, or maybe they just want big families), and all their kids grow up adopting the same non-caring ways - but now there are more than double the amount (2.4 children, right?), so this number increases ever more.
anyway that was a slight tangent.
my point here is that the people who care are always going to be outnumbered by those that dont, to an ever increasing degree.
so….
whats the point?
if i know i can never achieve my goals of saving stuff… what is my purpose?
If i choose to selfishly exist, and use up resources then i fail at morals.
If i choose to carry on fighting, or fight more then i will piss people off (ok, not so bothered about that to be honest, take me for what i am), and nothing will get better… it may be temporarily slowed, but ultimately i fail, and so does everyone else who fights. fail at life goal.
If i dont fight, but do everything i can to prevent myself causing damage, then i go and be a monk or hermit or something - i fail at my other life goal, which is simply (ha!) to find Love, be in Love, Love and be Loved. (so yes, i do care about people, but i rather hope that the person i end up in a happy relationship with is of the same thinking as me..)
If i seek only Love then I fail at morals, because somehow I have to break my morals to achieve it (consume… travel… etc…)
so… i fail, whatever i do?
————–
i was gonna rant about people screwing other people over. but i have lost the will to whatvere… type/think/compose sentences.
————-
i feel like i’m going mad.
Stuff this.
People are officially an expletive I do not wish to repeat publically.
Why am I feeling like this?
I think its because I am horribly niave about People. See, I tend to believe that most people are like me; and without trying to blow my own trumpet too much, I believe I help people when they ask, and offer to help if they seem to be struggling, sometimes even when they aren’t (yes, OK, thats generally considered annoying). I also take an interest in other people’s efforts - even if its a steaming pile of turd, or something that doesn’t interest me, I’ll try and appreciate it - or expend energy in attempted constructive criticism (yes, that doesn’t always work out either, but my point is I *am bothered to consider* such things). If a friend or member of my family does something; I like to see it, to be involved with it, to be part of it, to help better it (if called for). And generally, I like to go out of my way to help people out.
I think what I need to realise is that not everyone gives a shit.
Whatever. I give up. Where’s my machete and hammock… *take me home*
Today I have been in quite a specific music mood. This happens quite often… so I thought I should start to note them down.
Today then, I’m feeling confused, sad, nostalgic and fairly concerned about something I feel I need to say to someone which could make the future really wonderful or really .. awkward.
Some tunes that express this… (most courtesy of http://pandora.com, with 
Bent – Swollen as the basis.)
Cirrus – You Are (Panacea)
Bent – Swollen
chungking – Bubble Love
Moloko – Over And Over
Sixth Finger – Paint It Black
Supreme Beings of Leisure – Nothing Like Tomorrow
Lila Liu – All I Need (Loving Mix)
Everything but the Girl – Troubled Mind
José Padilla – The Look of Love
Supreme Beings of Leisure – Ghetto
Groove Coverage – Only Love
Lamb – Bonfire
Massive Attack – Silent Spring
Sia – Breathe Me (Mylo remix)
Vargo – The Moment
Aim – The Girl Who Fell Through the Ice
Hm. ‘Tis a sad and perplexing day.
I’m feeling intensely frustrated.
I dont really know why. I’ve just had a week doing anything I want — having not been at work I have been lazing about, excercising (yes not at the same time), eating well, listening to tunes, meeting friends and buying stuff for my trek.
So why do i feel so frustrated? Maybe its because tonight I havent really done anything - Mikey has gone to London, Pat is god knows where, and Rich is beng idle. Fine, so I should make the most of this time to do something worthwhile right? Or I should at least be enjoying myself? No, instead I’ve been listening to a couple of songs repeatedly, chatting a little on the internet and reading teh newspaper. And watching some mind numbingly dull tv - WHY?! What is the point??
Not just that, but I keep reading about all these things that are wrong with our world - in 50 years there wont be enough wild fish left to catch and eat - we are extincting them because we like them (that makes no sense?!! why?!), in 30(?) years there will be no oil, or rather there will be so little what is left will be usable only by rich people (who of course, being rich probably don’t deserve it - ouch, that is a rash comment but i think its one we can all agree on to a point, unless you are rich and reading this… if you are… tell me why you deserve to be rich please - and if that includes pissing on the little guy to get to where you are, tell me that too.), electricity, which is fairly dependant on the oil industry will be lacking somewhat (ok so we can do without but … psh…), the sea levels will be so high that half of my beautiful little island will become a great diving site… and there is nothing we can do…
At work I’ve been helping with a few ideas to make our office ‘greener’- the plan is to reduce paper consumption and electricity and so on. Being the only local newspaper i suggested that they make it a campaign to get the whole island on board. Yes great! But there are so many hurdles and so much apathy… I actually read an article by one of the reporters based in london who says that she simply isnt scared enough to bother to try and be greener. Its SO frustrating. I try and make a conscious effort to be greener, and its difficult, i have to say, being that i am a geek and depend heavily on machinery that uses not only electricity to run it, but also lots of evil chemicals and plastics to create said machinery. I do try though. I’m going to Belize to help save the rainforest, which is great but I’m going on a plane which is burning oil/fuel whatever, so…? and it just doesnt seem like enough. I really want our society to take a step back, literally, and depend more on what we have not what we want. WHY do we need to ship over food from elsewhere? It probably doesnt even taste any better beign grown in a warmenr climate or whatever because its picked early so that its ripe on arrival. that defeats teh point doesnt it?
And another thing - people in jersey are generally unhappy with the way our government is run. this seems to be tru of any given group of people in a democracy havign a group leading them. It seems that dictatorships actually seem to make people happier (ok this is a little heavy but n. korea? they are all singing all dancing folk… they are pretty oblivious to the fact that they are living less well than their neighbours and so they are happy, right? saddam hussein was obviously doing SOMETHING right otherwise the iraquis would not now be so pissed off with us trying to ‘help’ them?) thats a slight tangent but my point is - why the chuff do we vote for people we know are going to be complete bunch of turds in the first place? why cant we just put out a letter that says ‘right folks, the government is a shit, so if you believe we need this this and this doing then send your name and address in. bonuses are around 100k a year and you get to wear a nice suit and ponce about at fancy dinners’ - bang, you have your group of happy leaders reaping he benefits of the current turds in power, whilst actually having some sort of moral sense with which to please the people and ‘do the right thing’. No doubt we would find something to complain about, but its gotta be worth a try? (read the above as ‘fresh start’ or ‘revolution’ i think?)
*Sigh*
what else? Why can i not see my friends as much as i want to? because im on a rock. why cant i convince my self that i dont need to find someone to love, in order that this someone will then find me (apparently this is how it works - you have to not want the someone then they come along… yeah right). why is it that after 21 years i still havent found this person i’m not supposed to be looking for? or even someone who i think is them and they think im their person who you arent supposed to find easily, but then they turn out not to be the person you werent supposed to find anyway. surely that would be better than being prepared for this someone and having so much … just… desire to give .. than… not finding anyone….. what? what?!! what i mean is - why is Love laughing at me?
why can i not be bothered to better myself and focus on the things i want to be better at? I want to be more musical - Ell’s room has been empty with a drum kit in it for the better part of 2 months now and have i made use of this freedom? once. pitiful. I also spent 700 quid on decks. I have some vinyl that i love. how often do i sit here idly readingnews sites or listening to random tunes that i can listen to whenever or have listened to millions of times, instead of putting on my headphones and trying to better my mixing skills (or rather, get some mixing skills) - especially after playing back a recorded attempt at a set and realising i have a lot of work to do.
why am i sitting here writing all this in the vain hope that someone of some sort of importance might read it and give me the definitive answer, when i know all that is going to happen is that some friends (and yes, they are the most important people) might read it and agree or disagree, but for the most part some other people might read some of it and dismiss the rest as nonsense. why do i care? why do i care that i have just wasted a good half hour wondering why i care? why do i not just not give a damn and get on with life instead of worrying about such ridiculously un controllable factors of life? isnt that what the majority of other people are doing anyway? if i was that bothered wouldnt i be going on a demonstration for greener britain or voting for better people or just voting at all, or working harder and more so i could have the money to do more things like go and see my friends or buy a house and settle down or whatever it might be that im supposed to be doing?
and if im so certain that i want to be doing a doctorate in computer science then why arent i reading journals and thinking up world changing ideas and trying to brush up my programming skills? and if i dont really want to be doing that then what the hell do i want to be doing? i certainly dont want to be in a 9 til 5 whiling away my life; but then thats the easy option and to be honest im lazy so why dont i want to do this? get a job, get a house, get married, have kids and so on? why am i making my life harder by doing things that are ‘difficult’? and ARE they really more difficult or am i just not clever/brave/strong/confident enough to take them on with ease? and why SHOULD i just get a job? thats surely not what life is about anyway? sure back in the day we had to work to stay alive by farming and foraging and so on - but you cant call that a job, thats LIFE and LIVING. its being in touch with the planet and nature and the outside. we are so far removed from all that that it doesnt seem nescessary to be part of what we are - a 9 til 5 isnt living, but thats all we’re left with isnt it? well no, you can go and find something different and make a difference doing it - i could become a farmer and that would be that wouldnt it? if i was just farming for myself and my family. or maybe a dj then i could make a living making people happy with music? so why arent i practising harder?
i
dont
understand.
all of my questions and conclusions are either circular, hypocritical or absurd. i feel totally lost.
and i blame the curry.
*sigh*
..Is what I’m in need of.
Suffering majorly from cabin-fever also known as Trapped On A Rock Syndrome (or TOARS).
Fortunately I’m booked to go and see my lovely lovely friends in the UK in less than a month!
Guys- I cannot wait to see you lot!
And the potential freedom of getting on a train and being miles away from everyone I know…Â that will be nice too.
Stress To Do List:
- The first Trekforce meet (25th-26th oct) — scared. very scared.
- Renew passport: photos, get them signed.
- JABS! Argh.. (30th oct)
- GET FIT
- Stop thinking. (Did you know you can lose half a stone in a week by thinking/worrying too much? Anyone on a diet should just start worrying about being thin more and they will achieve it a lot faster.)
- Get a new job.
But for now, People Under The Stairs are making me feel lighter and happier, despite the fact its raining, my car is falling apart, my brain is in complete conflict with my heart and in a week I wont be earning.
*Acid Raindrops*
Well, I think I must be finally sorting out my generally (slightly chaotic) thoughts. Along with this Helpdesk system I have been creating to help organise jobs at work, I have been gradually working my way through a load of things to-do.
I think this is stopping me worrying about so much — if I just DO it instead of worrying about it then its a lot easier cos I don’t have to worry! (If that makes sense). Of course this doesnt always work cos some things need careful thought… but hm. Generally not.
So -
Yet to do…
Woot.
Speaking of organising: Clutter. To get artwork for iTunes. Not a bad bit of software, but a touch hang-y when adding artwork.
Today is hotchocolate.
Today is old books.
Today is muddy boots and brown leaves and chestnuts.
It’s Sixpence None The Richer and Robert Frost.
It’s Love and bonfires, hand-holding and soup.
Today is sometime, someplace, something, someone else.
I’m sure I’ve said it before but The Dungeon Master’s Guide by Dieselboy is sheeeeeeer brilliance….
If you dont want to listen to the whole thing to believe me, skip to 45:00 minutes… and let teh tingles take over… Remix of Tiesto’s Flight 643…. and the lead up… OH MY GOD… just… unreal…
Turn up your sub, tune your iTunes to ‘Electronic’ and enter another world.
*bwoooooowowowowwooooooooooowowowowowoooooooooooooooowowowowowowoOOO oooooooooooowowowowowowowooooooooowoowwowowowowowoooooooowowowowowoOOO -POH- the portal closes….. there is no escape….*