stringfellow’s thread

Its funny how thoughts change…
Overwhelming desire and feelings of love, closeness and affection.
Frustration.
Hope.
Confusion.
Realisation.
Numbness.
Despair.
Anger.
Despair.
Numbness.
Questioning.
then… the sense that it was all just a dream… a feeling that it was only in my head, for there are few external signs that anything more than what now is, was. One lovespoon, photos, a billion memories and some chat logs… the odd hints from friends in the know…
Wavering resilience.
What remains throughout is the feeling of love…. somehow thats not fair.

This was written for members of my research group, but I thought it would be useful to post here too…

I’m on a bit of a campaign to save the world a little bit at a time and I was wondering if you would all consider helping me:

Sometimes we leave our computers on for no good reason… they just sit there, and maybe once in a blue moon we will remotely log into them to do something… but on the whole, they are just idling.
If you don’t use your computer when you aren’t in, it is really worthwhile turning it off - the idle draw of a tower like the ones we all have on our desks is about 100 watts… so, this is like leaving a 100watt lightbulb on all the time… which, of course, we are all advised not to do!
Chris and I did some calculations and research last night (which might be horribly wrong, as the sources of info weren’t necessarily accurate) - and we found that:

2 kilowatt hours requires 1 kilo of coal to be burnt
so, leaving your computer on for a day burns more than a kilo of coal…
so, if you leave it on all the time… you burn more than 400 kilos of coal per year.
… and that’s only when it’s idling! Imagine what it burns when you’re rendering some hefty graphics

It turns out that if you have a 21 inch CRT, it uses 27 watts more simply for displaying a white screen rather than black. (So, get an LCD if you can - they dont contain as many nasty chemicals (arsenic, mercury…) too, but make sure you dispose of your CRT properly!). Interestingly, the power blocks for the LCDs we have in the lab consume 2 watts even when the screen is fully off (i.e. no lights)… so consider unplugging/switching off the wall socket.

Some other stuff that isn’t lab-related but is kinda interesting:
An NTL (or, Virgin media) set top box consumes 14watts on standby and 16 when in use. Thats about a kilo of coal burnt per week (on standby). You can get ‘PowerDown’ adapters which are meant for desktop PCs, but can be used with TVs - they consist of a master socket into which you plug your desktop/tv, then the peripheral sockets into which you plug, say, a printer, speakers (or your set-top box). Assuming you turn off your desktop/tv using the switch as opposed to the remote/standby, this will turn off the peripherals too. If anyone is interested in trying these, I can try and blag some from the Conservation society…!

Kettles are awful. They consumes 2100+ watts… Our kettle, with a litre of water in it consumes 0.12 kilowatt hours per boil. That’s 60grams of coal… if you boil it with 1.5litres it consumes 0.17 kilowatt hours - so it seems boiling more water is more efficient (but only if you are going to use it immediately!). Boiling enough water for just one cup (which is generally the case of people in the lab) it consumes 0.05 kilowatt hours - 25grams of coal… so think about that next time you brew a cuppa! (Only fill enough for a cup!)

So, I’m off then.

Thanks to everyone who donated to my funds! It’s finally happening!

See you all in May.

Steve.

So i have finally taken the plunge and dreaded up my hair.

As i type, i am gently waxing my keyboard as my fingers are pretty waxxy and there isnt much i can do about it!

A couple of pics, before and after:

and 8 hours, a lot of backcoming, a few yelps and half a tub of wax later…

they need time to settle yet but hey! i got a month before i go to the jungle :-S OMG!

GIMBO! Your turn next

Antony Lewis of the Jersey Evening Post decided to try and knock off the crap that inevitably fills the Christmas music charts by releasing his own song… Apparently he has 500 copies at the local HMV, but no producers are (strangely) picking up on it… Anyway, he has got the music video on YouTube and its quite cool, and kinda funny too.

It does carry a message with it and its one I think we can all slightly relate to in some way- even if you disagree with it.

So here it is, the video for Hug A Muslim.

I’m feeling intensely frustrated.

I dont really know why. I’ve just had a week doing anything I want — having not been at work I have been lazing about, excercising (yes not at the same time), eating well, listening to tunes, meeting friends and buying stuff for my trek.

So why do i feel so frustrated? Maybe its because tonight I havent really done anything - Mikey has gone to London, Pat is god knows where, and Rich is beng idle. Fine, so I should make the most of this time to do something worthwhile right? Or I should at least be enjoying myself? No, instead I’ve been listening to a couple of songs repeatedly, chatting a little on the internet and reading teh newspaper. And watching some mind numbingly dull tv - WHY?! What is the point??

Not just that, but I keep reading about all these things that are wrong with our world - in 50 years there wont be enough wild fish left to catch and eat - we are extincting them because we like them (that makes no sense?!! why?!), in 30(?) years there will be no oil, or rather there will be so little what is left will be usable only by rich people (who of course, being rich probably don’t deserve it - ouch, that is a rash comment but i think its one we can all agree on to a point, unless you are rich and reading this… if you are… tell me why you deserve to be rich please - and if that includes pissing on the little guy to get to where you are, tell me that too.), electricity, which is fairly dependant on the oil industry will be lacking somewhat (ok so we can do without but … psh…), the sea levels will be so high that half of my beautiful little island will become a great diving site… and there is nothing we can do…

At work I’ve been helping with a few ideas to make our office ‘greener’- the plan is to reduce paper consumption and electricity and so on. Being the only local newspaper i suggested that they make it a campaign to get the whole island on board. Yes great! But there are so many hurdles and so much apathy… I actually read an article by one of the reporters based in london who says that she simply isnt scared enough to bother to try and be greener. Its SO frustrating. I try and make a conscious effort to be greener, and its difficult, i have to say, being that i am a geek and depend heavily on machinery that uses not only electricity to run it, but also lots of evil chemicals and plastics to create said machinery. I do try though. I’m going to Belize to help save the rainforest, which is great but I’m going on a plane which is burning oil/fuel whatever, so…? and it just doesnt seem like enough. I really want our society to take a step back, literally, and depend more on what we have not what we want. WHY do we need to ship over food from elsewhere? It probably doesnt even taste any better beign grown in a warmenr climate or whatever because its picked early so that its ripe on arrival. that defeats teh point doesnt it?

And another thing - people in jersey are generally unhappy with the way our government is run. this seems to be tru of any given group of people in a democracy havign a group leading them. It seems that dictatorships actually seem to make people happier (ok this is a little heavy but n. korea? they are all singing all dancing folk… they are pretty oblivious to the fact that they are living less well than their neighbours and so they are happy, right? saddam hussein was obviously doing SOMETHING right otherwise the iraquis would not now be so pissed off with us trying to ‘help’ them?) thats a slight tangent but my point is - why the chuff do we vote for people we know are going to be complete bunch of turds in the first place? why cant we just put out a letter that says ‘right folks, the government is a shit, so if you believe we need this this and this doing then send your name and address in. bonuses are around 100k a year and you get to wear a nice suit and ponce about at fancy dinners’ - bang, you have your group of happy leaders reaping he benefits of the current turds in power, whilst actually having some sort of moral sense with which to please the people and ‘do the right thing’. No doubt we would find something to complain about, but its gotta be worth a try? (read the above as ‘fresh start’ or ‘revolution’ i think?)

*Sigh*

what else? Why can i not see my friends as much as i want to? because im on a rock. why cant i convince my self that i dont need to find someone to love, in order that this someone will then find me (apparently this is how it works - you have to not want the someone then they come along… yeah right). why is it that after 21 years i still havent found this person i’m not supposed to be looking for? or even someone who i think is them and they think im their person who you arent supposed to find easily, but then they turn out not to be the person you werent supposed to find anyway. surely that would be better than being prepared for this someone and having so much … just… desire to give .. than… not finding anyone….. what? what?!! what i mean is - why is Love laughing at me?

why can i not be bothered to better myself and focus on the things i want to be better at? I want to be more musical - Ell’s room has been empty with a drum kit in it for the better part of 2 months now and have i made use of this freedom? once. pitiful. I also spent 700 quid on decks. I have some vinyl that i love. how often do i sit here idly readingnews sites or listening to random tunes that i can listen to whenever or have listened to millions of times, instead of putting on my headphones and trying to better my mixing skills (or rather, get some mixing skills) - especially after playing back a recorded attempt at a set and realising i have a lot of work to do.

why am i sitting here writing all this in the vain hope that someone of some sort of importance might read it and give me the definitive answer, when i know all that is going to happen is that some friends (and yes, they are the most important people) might read it and agree or disagree, but for the most part some other people might read some of it and dismiss the rest as nonsense. why do i care? why do i care that i have just wasted a good half hour wondering why i care? why do i not just not give a damn and get on with life instead of worrying about such ridiculously un controllable factors of life? isnt that what the majority of other people are doing anyway? if i was that bothered wouldnt i be going on a demonstration for greener britain or voting for better people or just voting at all, or working harder and more so i could have the money to do more things like go and see my friends or buy a house and settle down or whatever it might be that im supposed to be doing?

and if im so certain that i want to be doing a doctorate in computer science then why arent i reading journals and thinking up world changing ideas and trying to brush up my programming skills? and if i dont really want to be doing that then what the hell do i want to be doing? i certainly dont want to be in a 9 til 5 whiling away my life; but then thats the easy option and to be honest im lazy so why dont i want to do this? get a job, get a house, get married, have kids and so on? why am i making my life harder by doing things that are ‘difficult’? and ARE they really more difficult or am i just not clever/brave/strong/confident enough to take them on with ease? and why SHOULD i just get a job? thats surely not what life is about anyway? sure back in the day we had to work to stay alive by farming and foraging and so on - but you cant call that a job, thats LIFE and LIVING. its being in touch with the planet and nature and the outside. we are so far removed from all that that it doesnt seem nescessary to be part of what we are - a 9 til 5 isnt living, but thats all we’re left with isnt it? well no, you can go and find something different and make a difference doing it - i could become a farmer and that would be that wouldnt it? if i was just farming for myself and my family. or maybe a dj then i could make a living making people happy with music? so why arent i practising harder?
i

dont

understand.

all of my questions and conclusions are either circular, hypocritical or absurd. i feel totally lost.

and i blame the curry.

*sigh*

I woke up late. Nevermind, sleep is good.

I walked downstairs and discovered I had a thorn in my foot. Ouch.

I opened my post to discover that Trekforce the charity with whom I’m supposed to be going to Belize, are no longer. There is however a new Trekforce ltd. (i.e. a company, not a charity) who are sort of, well taking their place. Ok, so my trek is cancelled but I can still go on a trek to Belize in early ‘07. The problem is - fundraising is now going to be a lot harder now that I cannot say it’s for charity - the thing is it all stays the same - the money is spent exactly the same as it was before, and I still have to pay for my flights/kit out of my own pocket, just that they’ve had to form a company for reasons of flexibility and because hte gap-year thing is dying out… So hm. Bit of a bummer.

So back to the thorn - I tried to get it out, then my Mum had a go… with a needle, after which i just had a thorn in my foot AND a hole. So that hurt a lot. So i couldnt go running (which would have been great anger management). The thorn remains as I write this post…

What else? Well, I went to send off my re-application for the new Belize trek, and sure it was a little close to 5pm, but its only down the road. So the roadwork traffic lights were red, and the post office woman closed 5 minutes early cos “she’d been up since 3″. I DONT SODDING CARE how long you’ve been awake love, the post office closes at FIVE NOT FIVE TO FIVE. ARGHGHGHHGHHH

I cant EAT properly or TALK (two of my favourite pastimes) because a hole i bit into my tongue last week still hasnt healed, about which I am very angry. I’m EVEN considering writing a letter to my own self to complain about the body with which I must co-exist.

My Mac had a spak attack as well, and neither the dock or app-switcher would show. (Reboot cured that).

And to top it all off I KILLED A FRIGGING TOAD with my car, by mistake, OUTSIDE MY OWN FRIGGIN HOUSE!!!!!1111111 AAARGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! why?! WHY?!!!!! POOR STUPID SUICIDAL LITTLE TOAD. :’(

It’s most definitely…

…bed time.

PS- apologies for the amount of CAPS but I’m full of  A N G E R  this evening.

In order to get fit for my trip to Belize I have decided to take up running.

“OH MY GAWD!” I hear you cry “What has posessed Steve?!!”

Well, fear, mainly. If I’m the only one who cant hold my own out there I’m gonna feel like a complete ‘tube’ (as my dear Father would say). Not wanting to horribly embarass myself, I will run, I will RUN, Faaaaaar and Looooooooooong and often.

I even bought some new running shoes! Look!

see?! isnt that exciting! cost me a fair bit but hey… its all for the good of the… me.

Went for my first run this evening due to prompting from Tudor… the result of which can be seen here.

Wow, well that was awesome.

Just got back from Porto - a little well earned break with Dave, Jen, Rach and Ben (ooh that rhymes). Currently sitting in Stansted airport (on Dave’s shinybook) as our bus/train transportation unit leaves at 845am and we got in at 2345pm, well me n Dave are here anyway. Well, I’m here anyway. Dave is trying to enter sleepyland on the floor (impossible I reckon, esp as I currently need the loo and am about to break this to him… aaaawwwwahnidehwi!)

OHMYGOD HE WOKE ME UP

…quoth Dave… LOL

Sorry buddy :(. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes… I took a photo of the little nest we made behind an icecream stall… its uber SICKO!!!1111oneoneone:

It’s not overly apparent in this picture… but nevermind.

So anyway, the holiday. The holiday was amazing, made even better by the company. We had lots of laughs and lots of eventful happenings … some of which I shall list… to be expanded upon later (probably at aquaticoperatic.synfinity.net or similar…)

• MUNEEEHHHHHHHY
• Doginabaaaaaahg
• Fish in a bin
• The ‘Bedtime Chorus’
• The Aquatic Operatic society
• Flashing Fiskies, the Fisky Mafia and others
• Dead things
• ‘Aerodynamicicity’, ‘Intelescalator’ and other odd words
• Ham+Cheese (eggs?)
• Gigeons (thats a soft ‘G’, btw.)
• Tattoos. On the whole.

So much more, but indeed these will feature heavily elsewhere, and may be in a feature film COMINGTHISSUMMERRRRRRRRRRRR 5 Crazy folks and a doginabaaaaahg.

So basically we had a lot of fun and I can’t possibly do it justice in such a short space, and I don’t really want to ramble too much on here anyhow because I fear that most people reading wouldn’t get it anyhow.

To summarise:

Sleep deprived hallucinations, moneeeehy, sun, doginabag, Franceshinas (sp?), port, boats, sun, sun lotion and foot spray, Rach’s hair, sun, pretty buildings, port, Ben’s football, sun+port, Dave’s farts, Jen’s BASSSSKUTS, port, fish in a bin, port, shopping, sun, gut ache, angleterre, stansted, sleep deprivation.

Thankyou friends, it was awesome.

Hugs and kisses,

Sleep-deprived-Steve